Wifey material.

I do not think I make a good wife. I am not the kind that works, cook, prepare hot bath, bring slippers and tolerate male chauvinism. Nope, I certainly do not. You can only pick ONE option only (tolerating male chauvinism is NOT an option). I am just not the Japanese Wife Role Model.

But all these don’t make me a bad one either, so far, I haven’t had any complains. Thank god for that. I think, it’s about accepting each other for who they are. If we were to measure our spouses in yardstick, how many of us pass the test?

How many husbands actually works very hard, bring loads and loads of cash home, supports their wives in their ridiculous bags and shoes collecting hobbies (financially) without any complain, never ever for once say that they are tired, sensitive to their wives needs, help out in doing the house chores and so on? NON! cos no one is perfect.

I was talking to my friend the other day and it struck me. I have a fiance/husband and I am officially getting married in 7 weeks.

I went like. Wait. What? I have a husband? Really? Are you sure?

Yes, I think the pre-wedding thingy is finally kicking in. One final preparation and I’m all done. Seating chart. God bless me!

 

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Nontoxicrayons.blogspot.com – Unfavourable wives

My best friend Jo use to have an amazing blog (NONTOXICRAYONS) but she has gone lazy. I will be copying a few of her entries from time to time which I find super inspiring to my blog. Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to these post. I just merely copy and paste from her original blog. Pls enjoy!

2010-09-12

Unfavourable wives.

I have many hot lady friends (over the age of 32) who have everything. Career, cars, cards, fashion, invites to the hottest parties, guys. However, one thing is missing in the picture.

They lack a boyfriend, or more so, a permanent and stable life partner.

They are hot, they are glamourous, they work hard and they party even harder. On facebook I see their pictures turning up on every party there is in town.

Then the mother of all question strikes again,

ARE ALL WOMEN WHO PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR THE LEAST FAVOURED AMONG MEN TO BE WIFES?

Well, let’s face the fact. The men may oogle at (and sometimes touch) you when you’re out in clubs and in pubs, but when they go home, they want to to see their wifes scrubbing floors, wringing clothes and making their beds. Life is cruel. So are men.

I doubt men want their women to be competing other men over who’s the better drinker, or getting their groove on the dance floor like Britney Spears, or getting so drunk you’re unconscious. Its not good for their ego, not good for your image, and basically not good for you. You’re supposed to be the mother of someone’s child (eventually) and also someone’s wife. No man wants to hear that the whole club did his wife in the toilet of the club, nor a child wanting to hear his or her mum having slept with all the other kids’ dads and also being called a hooker. Its the cold hard truth, and I may be condemned for saying it, but shit happens, and the truth will always be the truth and YOU KNOW that people will talk anyway – more so in Asian countries.

If you’re over 30, still in clubs and pubs 5 days out of 7, single, and still very hot (you may be wondering why you’re hot and still single), please wake up. Men want to come home to wives, not someone they have to worry everytime you go out, whether other men will hit on you, whether you’ll embarrass him or both. It’s the cold hard fact that men WANT FACE. They are these egoistical creatures that have insatiable desires for having the pristine wife that scrubs and mops floors all day long.

You may be 30 now, but its a slippery slope into spinsterhood from here. 1 yr turns into 2, then 5 in a slip of an eye. Then you’ll be 35 and still single (which is quite ok if you’re very liberated, but not so much in Asian countries. People here are so traditional still) and wondering where your life went when you see your girl friends having 2 kids and complaining about stretch marks that never go away. Then you’ll loudly say that you thank god you don’t have 2 big burden to take care of, still keep your figure and all your stretchless skin when secretly within you’re crashing inside thinking how you wish you belonged somewhere with people who need you to survive in life (eg, hubby, kids).

The men you’ll meet will most definitely 95% be all bastards who are looking for a good time. And you may be on the other hand thinking, oh, he’s nice, maybe…….NO! Men who go to clubs to meet women only want women for a nice time. All he’s thinking is “OHHHH YEAHHHHHHHHHHH” Wedding bands fall off and come on again when the timing is correct. Do not trust men you meet in clubs to be single, or honest, or honest to you. It’s like believing the man who said he has candy in the van, but you have to enter the van first to get it. Then you get cheated and used and then you start lamenting all the men on earth on what pure pricks they are bla bla bla bla bla, when at the first place, 10 yrs ago, you met them, but you screwed them over, time and again. And then sadly, you lost your chance to ever get married.

Men and clubs are the worst combination. Its something about the alcohol, smokes and the environment which makes them roll over the next morning and tell you, ” I don’t think we should see each other again/who the fuck are you?/ shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit/ I’m married and my wife is coming home today/ get the fuck out of my house/ thank you”. Likelihood of them asking you out for food and more sex is also possible, you may be known as the booty call, or poontang. But. You have to keep in mind that MAYBE you may meet a good guy at a club, but he will definitely not bed you the first night he sees you. A proper gentleman first dates you out, buys you expensive dinner, and then attempt to bed you. That order.

I used to be a party goer to be honest. I partied from Monday till Sunday. Having only a break when I’m too hungover. I was 21. Then I realised that all men that came after me only wanted sex. Of course that wasn’t in my agenda. That’s not in all women’s agendas. They want stability, they wan to belong somewhere, they want someone to take care of them. Then I realised that I shouldn’t party so hard anymore. So I stopped drinking. It’s been 2 years since I stopped drinking, and I still have the occassional drink every now and then to get the ‘high’ feeling, but I really try to stop it. It’s good for my liver, good for my heart and basically everything else. The bf feels safer (in all senses) that I’m at home doing practically nothing but messing up my room and buying clothes online (which he partially funds for).

But its ultimately good for your health. Less smoke, less drink, less chances of meeting with accidents on the streets late at night. You’re what the risk management people call the ‘high risk investment’ – not many people go for it.

This may somewhat come as a controversial topic in which feminists out there would berate me like hell, but who gives a shit. I’m only giving my honest thoughts, in my own blog, to people who sincerely want to settle down. Another advise would be to stop finding people out of your league, but thats another story for another time.

This is a disclaimer though, if I’ve offended you in any possible way, I apologise. What I write here does not mean it was targeted at you.

So the moral of my post would be : STOP PARTYING SO HARD AND GET INTO THE KITCHEN AND LEARN TO BAKE SOMETHING. THAT’S YOUR JOB, WOMAN.

Ultimately, there are only 2 groups of women. Women men marry, and women who men play around with. So which group are you? If you are (and honestly feel so) that you’re the latter group, it’s time to rethink your priorities, and start planning your life (unless you’re honestly completely happy being single and still partying like a cougar when you’re 43). I hope this serves as a wake up call for women who think they can party forever. You can not.

———————————————————————————–

I figured that this post may gather some angry comments from my readers so I’ve also decided to lump in another section I’d like to call “Dreaming too far”.

It’s simple. Are you hot? Are you wife quality? Are you pleasant tempered and gentle? Are you kind and giving? If you’re not, please don’t expect men who look like someone from a Korean drama to fall onto your lap and fall in love with you!

If you don’t look like Cinderella, or can do household chores like her, don’t expect a Prince Charming!

We have to evaluate ourselves, and find someone who is in our league. I always have this tactic of choosing someone from the crowd who fancies the shit out of me. That way, I wouldn’t face the possibility of a rejection! (Yay for my ego boost!)

Very likely women who still remain single at 35 and above are because :

-they’ve been divorced – don’t want to go through that shit again

-widowed – my condolences (no choice lah that one)

-they have 9 cats.

-still waiting for THE ONE. wtf?
If you’re still waiting for THE ONE, you would have met him at a marriable age 18-33. HELLO? You ok boh? at 35 you still looking for THE ONE? Don’t dream lah. You’ve already passed him several years ago. You were just looking at the wrong crowd of guys. Wouldn’t God have planned someone for you at the most reproductive age, than let you meet him when your eggs have already dried up?

Just settle lah, it’s always better to have someone than no one. But when I say have someone, I don’t mean :

-alcoholics
-cheating bastards
-drug addicts
-gamblers
-wife beaters
-lazy bastards
-gays (well they can be quite good company!)
-sex addicts
-rapists
-any other funky attributes.

*DISCLAIMER : Written under very bored circumstances. These are all pure shit I’m writing. Lighten up, don’t be mad! nyehehehehe!

All the talking

After 28 years of living, I finally come to accept one thing. People will talk, like it or not. And you yourself have to weigh what is worth being upset over. No matter how much you try to be nice, kind, sweet and etc, people will always find something to say about you.

I have survived numerous rumors and gossips. The common ones are I am a bitch, gold digger and I have had facial reconstruction surgery. People are always out there to get you, to judge you then to pass on a judgment about you.

I find it even worst when you are in a small city or town. Maybe it’s the nature of the place. It’s small and there are nothing better for these people to do. They reject the unfamiliar and try all they might to get to know you and use whatever information they have gained about you against you.

There are so many things that they can say about you. For example, if you post pictures of your trips/ or buys online, people might say that your are a show off.  Some people whom are crazy and delusional might even consider me posting pictures of my husband and I on FB and info on our wedding is exaggerating. And sharing some affection hugs in public are considered  PDA. It don’t matter to me.

At the end of the day, “It is better to be envied than pitied.”

Truth is, I don’t really care about what people say about me because I know at the end of the day what is the truth and what is not. Friends who knows me deep down knows that I am not what people say of me. I always believe one thing, never explain yourself, friends don’t need it and enemies, they won’t believe it.

Just a random thought. 😛

Bridezilla to be!

I never thought I will be walking the aisle. Cos I’m not a Christian. So no walking down the aisle for me. But seriously, I remembered telling my mom that I never wanted to get married. I just want to be single, and happy. I love my freedom. The thought of doing whatever I want, whenever I want always puts a smile on my face.

When I met my then bf, now husband, I made a drastic move and that thought slowly wears off. It all boils down to fate, I met him 10 yrs ago prior to us being engaged. Moving my ass all the way to a new place for a guy, pfft, I never thought I’d have the courage to do so. I was never a risk taker in life. Generally, I sit, I observe, I take my chance if it is 99.9%.

I don’t know if it’s the impulse, or the fact that I wasn’t thinking very straight that day, I packed my bags and I came here. It’s been a year now, and on March 18, 2011- I got engaged.

I started to look for the perfect venue which ended up being more of my father’s choice rather than my own. I respected that. After all, it is going to be his friends more than mine.

I didn’t have much of a plan as to when, what, how am I going to plan for my wedding. We prefer the wedding to be at the end of the year which gave me ample of time to prepare for the wedding. My husband, he will always say “Up to you lor, you pick whichever you think it’s best.” Men. In simple words, you do everything, and just tell me when and where, I’ll be there.

So everyone has been asking me the same question, How can I be so far away from KL and still get to plan the wedding without a wedding planner and not turning into a bridezilla? Quote” u r the most chillaxed bride ever!”

It’s simple. I know what I want, and what I don’t want. And I have done most of the things at the beginning and not leaving it till the end.

My wedding is simple, no themes, no live band, no fancy decoration, just my friends and family and ourselves having a good time. I take it as a huge reunion dinner.

I could have spent tons of money on decoration and etc but I choose not to, it’s not like I can bring those home. I’d rather spend the money on something else, like education for my future baby.

I do have some pointers though.

1. Plan ahead.

If you are going through the Chinese traditional custom, get your date picked as soon as possible. You will be given a few dates, like when is your actual banquet and follow by a few dates to do things before the wedding. Best advise to get from is the elderly at home. They will know what to do.

2. Venue.

Once you get the dates sorted, pick a venue. I chose a Chinese Restaurant instead of a fancy hotel because my crowd is mostly my father’s friends and relatives and they would very much prefer restaurant food vs. hotel food. I suspect I won’t be eating much that night, so the food pretty much doesn’t affect me.

3. ROM

I would advise couples to get registered at least 3 months before the wedding. This means you get ONE important thing out of the way and you can focus on other parts of wedding planning. My husband and I are from different states so we can only register in Tien Hou Kong. If you are from the same state, you can register at JPN. You have to go and register yourself one month before the actual date you want to register. They will put up a notice for a month to see if anyone objects to the marriage and if no one objects, you can proceed to register yourself as a married couple. Bring along 2 passport size photos, a photostat copy of you and your fiance’s IC and Birth certs. A photostat copy of your witnesses’ IC. My dad was my witness and his dad was his witness. You can bring these documents to Tien Hou Kong (if u r getting ur ROM done in KL) or JPN. They will tell you what to do from there.

3. Engagement party.

I did not have mine, but if you do wish to have an engagement party, I would suggest 1/2 yr to a yr before the actual wedding. If you are going to have your banquet next month, then what’s the point of u having an engagement party. That’s like double costing. Note, a wedding cost a lot of money.

4. Pre-wedding photographs.

If you prefer to sign up a package with a bridal company, you have to be sure of what you want. If you would like to have a more artistic effect? vogue? vintage and etc. The package prices are usually pretty standard. So visit about 3-4 reputable bridal companies should be more than enough. Take advantage of those wedding fairs. Take a look at their pics and see if they can provide you with the type of picture effect you wish to have. The only thing you have to be aware is their fine prints. Ask clearly if you are not sure about the package. Mostly about upgrading dresses, how many poses you are allowed to choose, how much each additional pose and etc. Ask them to write down clearly what is included and not included in your package.

If you choose to hire an independent photographer, you will have to get your dresses, makeup artist and etc for the shoot. You will have to research on your own on this area as I took my pre wedding photo with a bridal company.

5. Dresses/Shoes

Remember it is your wedding. You are suppose to be the star of the night and not the dress. You have to know what cut suits your best as you yourself knows your body best. You can have a designer wedding dress but make sure that you are wearing the dress and not the other way round. If the designer you go to tell you otherwise, tell him/her off, you should know what you want for your wedding. I don’t know about you guys but I find it extremely hard for me to find a good pair of wedding shoes. It all looked toooooo funky. I got mine specially made by Lewre Couture.

6. Door gifts and invitation cards.

This will normally be provided for by the hotel or restaurant. If they don’t, ask for contacts from your hotel or restaurant, they usually have contacts for people who manage things like this.

7. Actual day videographer/photographer

Book them in advance and set up a short meeting with them. Tell them what you want and prefer to avoid any complications.

The above is just my personal thought and experience. Most importantly, be clear of what you want and research on related matters should avoid making you a bridezilla. I’d probably do an update on this after my wedding. There might be some chaos during the actual day which I cannot foresee. Nevertheless, enjoy your wedding planning process!

Signing off with a pic of my engagement ring.

Bye bride-to-be!

xoxo

#244

I went crazy and back.

This time last year, I was in the verge of insanity preparing to sit for the last paper in my life. It was a turning point in my life.

It wasn’t so much about passing the paper. It’s about where it will lead me after I complete the paper. Will it get me a higher pay job? A better prospect in my career? And the mother of all question. WILL I BE HAPPY? OR am I making someone HAPPY instead?

I had so much worries that it could kill me. I don’t know where am I heading, I don’t know what to look forward to, in short, I don’t know what I want. I had a stable job, a handful of good friends, an average family and yet, I felt that something was missing. I was depressed.

And then, all of a sudden, I met someone, someone who made me complete. And suddenly, I realised that all I ever wanted was there, all along. And I am blessed to have found that special someone. Someone who could take care of me, pick me up when I am down and to share my happiness and sorrows and most importantly, to support me every step of the way.

Today, I am still having a stable job, handful of good friends, an average family, but I am married (legally not traditionally). I am lucky, to have found someone who completes me. Thank you, for being there and to help me find my way when I was lost.

We’re ONE and 3 weeks!

Hearts..

xxx